A Hand's Width
by Arget Cross
Summary: Five years is a long time to think someone dead. Sometimes loving someone is a little more difficult than just welcoming them back with open arms. A post-canon, post reunion fic about Lon'qu and Haura.


As they undressed for bed, Haura anticipated Lon'qu's stiffness and awkwardness with a certain amount of her own trepidation. In the span of a single bed, five years stretched over them. Her eyes darted to the neatly folded sheets, too crisp and with the slightest layer of dust, and she wondered how many nights he had forgone sleep, plagued by his old night terrors.

"Lon'qu."

At the sound of his name, he lifted his head and met her eyes. The small flare of his nostrils as he exhaled gave him away. She could see all the tension within him and his mind, unlike when he moved with a blade in hand, seemed cloudy with burdensome thoughts.

"What is it?" he asked, terseness coming out of his own unease. They moved at the same time, sitting down mechanically on the opposing ends of the bed.

"I do not expect anything."

He blinked at her and his mouth flattened into a questioning scowl. Haura repeated herself slowly.

"I do not expect anything. You should do what is comfortable to you. I am-" Not the one that had to watch their lover die in front of their eyes, she wanted to say, but she had learned a little tact over the years. "-going to have five years of catch up to do regardless. I can adjust to whatever you need me to." It would hurt, certainly, for him to tell her to sleep elsewhere tonight, but she could tolerate the pains in their steps towards healing. But instead he let out a huff of a laugh and relaxed a fraction.

"Somehow I cannot remember you ever being this… accommodating."

"Falsehoods! I have always been very accommodating. Perhaps you have simply forgotten in your old age." Haura replied indignantly. She turned on the bed to sit cross-legged in front of him, resting her forearms on her knees and opening her palms to him. Lon'qu did not move, still watching her from the side of the bed, but he let out another dry chuckle at her words.

"I did not forget all the troubles we went through thanks to your stubbornness. I thought of them often, these five years." he said as he swung his legs onto the bed. Haura bit the inside of her cheek to stop her grin.

They lapsed another silence, but more comfortable than the one earlier. Haura had pretended to read a book while Lon'qu pretended to roll over and sleep. It was only later, when the lights had been blown out and they laid next to each other underneath the sheets, a hand's width apart, did he speak again.

"I am sorry."

Haura shifted and turned around so their noses nearly touched and she could smell the musk of his breath.

"Are you dreaming?" she breathed their code to him. They exchanged those words each time the night terrors brought them shivering into dazed consciousness. The nights before her death, when Grima hung in the air, the fell dragon had also haunted her sleep. The visions of bodies discarded at the Dragon's Table and the sour scent of decay had floated in the front of her mind when she awoke, covered in sweat and rigid by Lon'qu's side. Each time, he had asked her the same question and her answer had grounded her in the reality of his arms and her heartbeat. She waited for the usual denial but instead-

"It's been a long time." Lon'qu sighed and she could feel him age with his own words. She realized Dragon's Table was an eternity ago for him. "A long time since you have said that to me. You never said such when I dreamed of you."

"To be featured in your dreams. What an honor." She could not see him well in the darkness but she could easily imagine the downturn of his eyes and the flutter of his eyelashes. The image was charming and brought a smile to her lips.

"I prefer being awake." He said with that overly serious tone of his. Haura, amused, was about to prod fun at him when he touched her.

He had not done so since their initial reunion this morning, when he had clung onto her with all the desperation of a drowning man. Haura's mind went blank but her body responded out of familiar habit. The hands' width disappeared as he pulled her to his chest and her leg hooked onto his. His tears slid onto her cheeks.

"Am I dreaming-?" he choked and Haura reassured him by tugging him closer. Yes, I really am here, she said when she gripped his shoulder, yes, I am here and I am alive.

She kissed him, or maybe he kissed her, fingers tangling in hair, mouths hot with choked words of love. She could not breathe but still she did not want to let go. Her fingers went to his scars, both old and new, making him shiver. His hands clawed at the skin of her back, grasping her in his palms.

Her words fell thick on her tongue when they broke apart, breathing heavily. "I missed you. When I was in Ylisstol, waiting to come here. When I was nothing but dust." The sliver of moonlight through the curtains gave Haura just enough light to see his eyes, so close and red rimmed. The ache at the sight clenched up her chest unexpectedly and her next words tumbled out in a wail. "Lon'qu, it hurt so much. To want to die like that. To die like that."

"Haura." He repeated her name and brought their foreheads together to stop his own shaking. "I'm so sorry." Hearing his broken voice made her feel worse. A low sob tore out of her throat and it did not sound like her, raw and wretched.

"I had no other choice. There was nothing else I could do. One life for millions." she mumbled amidst her tears and the ends of her mouth ached from her sobs. "Don't apologize to me. Five years. Oh gods, Lon'qu."

He tilted forward to press their lips together, soft and wet. She squeezed her eyes shut and kissed back hard, lips shut, pushing forward into him. Lon'qu's hands trembled as they remained limp on her back. With a hollow sort of laugh, she realized he was rusty at touching. Haura dropped her head to rest her forehead on his chest and muffled her whimpers in his uneven breathing. Lon'qu continued to take large, shuddering breaths. Clenched tight around each other, exhausted from crying, they slid into a dreamless sleep.

* * *

When Haura awoke, her arms were empty and the late morning light crept through her eyelids. Her body felt heavy and detached, not unlike when she had re-awoken in the field and needed a hand even to stand. As she laid there, taking inventory of her limbs and senses, she began to hear Lon'qu shuffling around in the washroom. She listened to the slosh of the basin water and the rustle from his clothes as he arranged himself for the day. The familiar sounds of his sword being buckled into his belt brought the faintest grin to her numb lips.

When he re-entered the room, he looked over at her and gave a little start when he realized she was unabashedly staring at him.

"Morning, Haura." He said with an awkward bob of his head.

"Good morning, Lon'qu." She replied with a serene look. The damp fringe of his hair curled attractively around his face. She could still see a slight puffiness around his eyes.

He came closer, stiff in his uniform, and Haura dangled her hand off the edge of the bed. Lon'qu stared at it at first, bewildered. Only when she gave a little impatient curl of her fingers did he understand and clasp her hand with his.

"Did you sleep well?" she asked. He nodded, still staring at their intertwined hands as if he could hardly believe she was there. The back of her right hand no longer bore the Mark of Grima and he ran his thumb where it once was.

"And you? Are you… alright?" Lon'qu asked.

"I find it hard to worry about it now with you here." Haura murmured. Lon'qu flushed slightly and in the morning light, as his fingers tightened around her, Haura could feel a warmth of contentment radiate down her arm all the way to her toes.

"Haura." There it was again, that serious face that made her grin.

"Yes?"

"I am going to morning practice. I did not wished to wake you but now that you are up-" He paused and Haura took the chance to pull his hand to her. Then he murmured, in the same tone of voice he had once asked her to marry him, "That is, I would like to spar against you again. I have missed fighting with you."

Haura pressed her grinning mouth to the back of his hand and watched his eyes light up. "I would like that very much."

* * *

A/N:

Originally this had a place in Homecoming but then the entire idea was out of place for the fic. I thought it was a shame to just toss a moment I've wanted to write for a long time now so made it into its own oneshot. As many things are, nowadays, this has some root in my life. I'm not sure if there really is 'resolution' in the way that can undo the pain, hence this fic. Sometimes you just gotta live with it and have the breakdowns as they come. Perhaps it is true love that weathers that with you? As always, comments are very much appreciated! ^^


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